Just venting keep scrolling ;)
Lately I’ve been working on processing my past abusive relationship and it triggered so many things. First of all, after the toxic thing happens (bout 5 months after me and abuser broke up), I’ve had a bf who was I think the best thing that ever happen to me, loving caring and he respected me but due to my trauma I cut him off and it was couple years ago so there’s no coming back and tbh I want to die cause of this. Secondly it’s the first time in 5 years that I’m open about my abuser and i feel the worst. Just analysing everything that was going on is triggering so many emotions and guilt, that mostly is about talking about him not in superlatives and fear I think. The worst thing is that i miss him, as abusive as he is, he loved me in the beginning I think. I miss the feeling that you matter to someone and that someone is thinking about you. I just feel alone and I think I’ve been feeling like this for a while. And it just hurts cause I isolated myself from everyone so I have no opportunities to meet new people and now I’m hopeless that I’ll ever meet someone.
That was hard haha
